Writer in Residence - Cornwall

I know that X Factor may not be one of Fresh Business Thinking readers’ most favourite shows, but given its immense audience and the coverage it receives in the press, you will probably have seen some of it. If not, then think of Dragon’s Den or the Apprentice, for they demonstrate the point I want to make, though maybe not as powerfully.

Each new season of X Factor begins with the auditions. The team visit a number of places and get to see hundreds of hopeful acts who believe that they have the X Factor – the ability to be the very best in show business - if only someone would see it and give them their big break. The problem – for them – is that they are in most cases simply awful. What raw talent they have appears to be storable in an eggcup with plenty of room to spare. We can see this, the panel can see this but they, the hopeless hopefuls, simply can’t.

When Louis Walsh, Sharon Osbourne or Simon Cowell tell them how it is, they get angry and emotional but their internal self-belief often appears to be unchanged. The feedback is honest and, often, brutal, too. It is, usually, deserved. How do those contestants reach that point in their lives – some of them quite a long way in – without someone telling them honestly what anyone can hear? Or have they done that and it is simply discounted and denied?

Giving and getting honest feedback is not an easy process. Giving good feedback depends on our objectivity in doing it. We must consider the behaviour and the outputs and feedback on them and not on the individual who is responsible for them. We also fear that if we are ’brutally’ honest with someone that may change the relationship we have with them. That is not a groundless fear, either. When receiving feedback, our ego often gets in the way and we do, in the old cliché, go on to ‘shoot the messenger’. Even when acting as our own critic, we may be too easy on ourselves in some areas and too hard in others.

What does this have to do with leaders? We, too, may have unrealistic beliefs about our own performance. I’ve met leaders who believed that they were comedians and yet were totally unfunny (like David Brent, the ‘chilled out comedian’ in ‘The Office’) and others who indulged in ‘once more unto the breach’ company motivational speeches that were laughable. This mismatch between belief and reality affected their performance and their credibility. They were less effective as a result.

As leaders we need to be realistic about our strengths and our weaknesses. The level of feedback we need to achieve this is unlikely to come from within the business. What we need is a place where we can give and receive feedback as peers with people who understand our problems and can help us know the real us and can help us to work on developing the skills and understanding that will change that reality for the better. We are all imperfect works in progress. Time spent on self-improvement in a safe environment is never wasted.

Andy Coote is a professional writer and publisher and co-author of A Friend in Every City (2006), a book about Social Networking and Business. As a commentator on leadership and networking, Andy writes for a number of Business Leaders. You can reach him at andy at bizwords.co.uk.

This article first appeared at Fresh Business Thinking